The Stairs of Life

It needs to be said and heard; it's OK to be who you are.

- Hailee Steinfeld -

It was just started with a sentence "How if we fail to follow the stages of life?"

Society made stages in life that we should follow. Especially in my country, Indonesia. People or I can say we, believe that living this life is like climbing stairs. We use age as a measurement. We start with a simple and a must thing like when you are at the age of 5 you should go to kindergarten and at 7 you go to primary and after graduating from high school you should go to the university and work. This life is like a running competition. Quick quick quick. 

Besides that, society made the stairs more challenging when they put ability and personal things on the stage. After graduating from university we should work and get married and have a baby. What happen when we didn't marry at the age of 27? They will be surprised and start to advise you about getting old without a partner and la la la. To be honest, after I got married even tho I am happy with this decision but I realized not many people will find that marriage is perfect for them. For some people, I even don't recommend it.

Well, you finally get married, you can guess they will ask for a baby. When the first baby is born, they will ask for a second baby, after the second baby they ask for the third. Not stopping there, society will ask for a child-in-law, grandchildren, etc. It is cliche and normal in Indonesia. They are just too polite not to ask when we will die. We are living in a society that keeps asking and talking about stages of life. We use it as small talk but it impacts a huge amount of stress sometimes.

It makes some parents drag their children to not fail to follow the stages that we made. 

Thanks to my parents that never chased me with this stage thing. I can read in the second grade when the other students can read at the age of 5. But still, I never heard my parents' shame about that. I wonder how I will act if my son fails to follow one of the stages? See, when we hear about failure, naturally, we think about ourselves not how the person's feeling. Everything is about me, me, and me. I don't even think how my son will feel.

I talked to my husband about this and he was skeptical. He said we should marry and have children, because who will look after us when we are old and weak? Who will carry on our descendants and our family temple? 

It is true and natural from the Balinese perspective.

If we think like this, we will only burden our children with responsibilities and stages to follow. For me, it is sad.

We forget that there are always solutions to everything if we open our hearts. If we don't get married and do not have children, we still have nephews or nieces to look after us when we are old and continue the family temple. Even nowadays there is a nursing home to look after us professionally. 

I wish I didn't follow this stage before. I wish I stayed for a moment after graduating from high school. Be mindful of what I want in this life. What I really want to be. Instead of being afraid to get late to step into the next stage, I wish I was silent for a moment, listen to my inner voice then walk to the place that I mean to be. Instead of running away after failing, I wish to meditate, prepare and be mindful before kicking harder to get my goal.

Sometimes I wonder and ask myself, what would I be if I never went to that university? I might meet different people and live a different life. 

Nobody ever told me before that it is okay to fail and leave behind. People were judging when I failed, they told me that I would fail forever. That's why instead of being mindful on those days, I prefer to start something else to hide my failure. Which was wrong and I wish I didn't do it.

I guess that's why many people hate their life because they are too tired to follow the routine, forgetting their dreams because they are busy stepping the stairs and making sure they are on time.

Well, I am just thinking, just because many people are okay with the stages of life, doesn't mean some people who are not are a failure. Just because some people succeed to do the conventional way doesn't mean the controversial one is wrong. And also because we are not stepping on the stage at the right age doesn't mean we will fail and be late with the other people. I believe we have our own timing and our own way.

I love this perspective, for me it is beautiful. I start to stop judging people. Swallowing my ego and I prefer to support whatever people chose, as long as it's good for them. Always with them for good.  

I hope I will stay like this forever, and save my children from this stress. Hope they will be happy and mindful human beings.

My father, when he texted me, instead of asking “How are you?” He always wrote “Ca va? Are you happy today dear?” This is how he checked what I was doing on that day. It made me question my self “Am I happy enough? Am I really happy? What is happiness?

Once I listened to a story about John Lennon when he was a primary kid. I don't know it is a true story or not but this is what my father told me.

John's mom always said, "John, whatever you will be in the future, you have to be happy".

And one day his teacher stood in front of the class and said "Well class, please make a paragraph of what you will be in the future". When the class was finished, all the students submitted their paragraphs. The teacher checked one by one and when she saw John's paper there was only a word on it which was "Happy" so she called him and asked "John, what did you write on the paper? I don't think you understand the task" and he proudly replied "Mam, I don't think you understand Life" 

To my father, I love you and yes, I am happy.

Badung, 17 November 2021