Weak Day Ends

How many years do you live in this world? Do you have a good life every year? Every the end of the year, people will share how the tough year happened and they wish next year will be better. But we know that what happens next can disappoint us if we give too much expectation.

I want to have a good relationship in the next coming years, but life is a mystery. When I expect flowers during the day, it comes with cactus. There is one day when I predict that day will be as hard as rock in the ocean, but it is actually so smooth as a seaweed. Days are unpredictable. Really.

I sit for a moment thinking about how I can live a positive life with a negative mind.

Instead of thinking for a year, I tried to live well every week. I tried to count my blessings every day because counting every hour is tiring. There is a day that I think my life is miserable, a disaster, and cannot be helped anymore. On that day I can be as calm as the sea in the north Bali at night, but the rain came through my eyes and wet my cheeks, and made a river down to my neck. That flowing tears made me relief and feel the storm in my heart at the same time.  I learned that at that moment, I must be exhausted, angry, and sad. I blamed myself so hard. So far I can count many times that happened in my life.

There is someday also when I wanted to be home. But I had no home to go. No place made me feel safe and felt like home. Even tho I was at my house, that house is not home for me. 

But there is the day also when everything feels right. The day when I think I am in the perfect time of my life. Surrounded by people and anything that was picked so carefully by God. That day I feel like pouring through a bucket of blessings. 

But I realize that I should not put too much feeling and energy into each moment. When shit things happened, I should think it's a bad day, not a bad life. I cannot call this wise. I just don't want when everything tried to hurt me, I hurt my self more. Because this too shall pass.

Not every day is bad or good, white or black, someday they may be grey. Not so good but not so bad. Like my father always said "So so"

Like everyday people may ask "How are you?" it is like a routine question to show how care and polite you are. And the most answer is "I am good". Sometimes I am thinking if I don't say "I am fine" or if I answer with the truth about my morning doesn't run really well or how my heart is falling apart, will they stop for a while and hug me? Will they really care and listen to my whole story? or do we not expect people to say back except "I am good" so we don't waste too much time about somebody else story?

I found out that each day has its own characteristic in my routine. They may be different from your routine. Days can be really funny, exciting, full of anxiety, and tiring sometimes.

This weekday was hard. 

But Monday was friendly and asked if I had a great weekend. People said "I hate Monday" but my Monday was a good Monday. I know some people hate Monday because when it starts, it means the weekend ends and you have 5 days to go before the weekend. But there is a quote sounds really good to describe everything, it said like this "If you hate Monday, it's because you have a bad job". For me, it is well said.

Monday and I had lunch together and spent the whole day doing little things and preparing for tomorrow's coming while smiling and greeting people around. Having Monday is like checking what was happening last week and what we need to plan for this week. What a nice day. When the time is coming, Monday waved goodbye.

When I looked back, it is Tuesday who sat in a chair and folded its newspaper like it was ready to face me. Tuesday shook my hand, I thought it tried to be nice or wanted to introduce its name but it's not.

Actually, it didn't shake my hand but it grabbed my hand and show how many things would be happening on that day. It was a super busy and packed day. I even didn't have a lot of time to have lunch. It ate its lunch standing like its ready to run and grabbed me again. I swallowed my food in hurry and drink my water in rush. I was glad when the day turned dark and it was time for Tuesday to say goodbye. When I waved my hand, Tuesday just looked at me, smiled gently, and left. It even didn't wave back. What a day.

Wednesday was a cheerful day, it held my hands and said nice to meet me in a funny way. I was happy after having a long day yesterday with Tuesday. It reminded me how busy I would be tomorrow and reminded me to do this and that. It was a well-organized and good mentor. I was busy taking notes and contacting people while Wednesday peeling an apple for me for a snack. Oh, snack. When was the last time I have a snack? We had a great lunch and talked about tomorrow and Wednesday mentioned how tough Thursday will be. But it held my hand again and said that I would be fine. It packed its bag and hug me then said that it cannot wait to see me next week. I just smiled weakly and was nervous about tomorrow.

Like what Wednesday said yesterday, it's true that Thursday was a serious day. Thursday didn't talk a lot but it didn't look upset also. I  sometimes throw a joke at it but it didn't laugh or smile at all. But I didn't think it is mad also, instead, it ask me "have you checked this? have you done that?". What an overwhelmed day.

I was just going to the toilet after a long time and when I got back to my table, Thursday was not there anymore. It left with leaving a note "Until we meet again"

People love to say TGIF, one word to celebrate the coming Friday. I may love Friday too but more to want to end it soon too. Friday was an energic day. I looked at it when it tied its shoes. I swallowed my saliva. I already felt the energy and predict what happens next.
Like I thought before, working on Friday was like sprinting a whole day. I wished I wore my shoes also so I could chase Friday. 

I don't realize I am almost at the edge of the week. I am tired, my legs are sore and my body is crushed into pieces. I am knocked out after fighting all day long. I did not realize Friday patted my shoulder "see you again" and when I looked up, there I saw Saturday at the end of the road. I found out my eyes had watered with tears. I see it stretch its arms. I ran crying towards it.

"Why is it just now? Where have you been all this time? I have been hurting a lot these past few days"

I almost fell down when I tried to hug it but it managed to catch me and says

"You have worked so hard, come here, let me hug and wash your sweat"

Then I was carried home by Saturday. 

Until Sunday picks me up.

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